A reasonable solution to an irrational problem

My letter to the editor from the July 9 edition of the Summit Daily:

It looks like Denver Water has finally realized that a bored and sleepy security guard armed with a blow horn and a pistol is no match for a motivated terrorist sleeper cell hell-bent on disrupting the flow of Front Range water and turning Silverthorne into a pond. There is only one reasonable solution to this problem. We need to call out the militia.



Somewhere in the woods there is a group fine American citizen, looking for something to shoot besides beer cans. Strength in numbers! This will be known as Operation Dam Redneck Surge and Protect. We will also need a complete replica of Boston’s Old North Church and volunteer child. Said child (wearing helmet) will be stationed in the belfry with two Coleman Lanterns to indicate the direction of terrorist attack. One if by land. Two if by lake.



Upon indication of said attack (when it is not a drill) Broncos mascot Thunder II ridden by the fabulous Ann Judge-Wegener will ride throughout the land indicating that the terrorists are coming, the terrorists are coming. This of course will be met with a hail of freedom giving gun fire by the militia. And as God is our witness, Denver will have never have brown lawns again.