Jaime's small brown beaver

A whole new kind of crazy

I am so regal. Check me out.

Day two of crazy: Frosty staring at my junk

This is why they're called Massholes

Now that's some flaming yuel tide

Video XXXperience

Video taken with cell and posted from cell. Don't get all hopeful. Spielberg, kiss my ass!

Christmas Karaoke Guy in the Philly Airport

Wow. I'm speachless. Entertainment supplied by this dude.

Richard's Big Brown Log

Yeah, you homos can dream. I found my log in the Philly Airport.

Jaime's Big Brown Beaver

This needs no explanation.

Another Year Has Gone By

Alright that's it! We got another one of those stupid, overly positive Christmas card inserts so here is my blog version going out to all of you. For maximum effect: normal text is best experienced if read like a gay, little weeny and Side Note text rantingly like Patrick O'Grady.

Another fantastic year has gone by and you wish you were us. The children are growing and are more special than ever. Our hearts rejoice for the love they bring to our lives each and every day (side note: "I f*ing hate these little cliches; each and every day, kiss my ass, each is every day and every day is each, so shut the f up and use one or the other, do you think I have time for your redundant bullshit!"). We have been so blessed this year. Regrettably we closed the art gallery after three glorious years of retail in Breckenridge. (SNG: Side Note Guy for you slow people: "Death of the Succubus! We are not going to miss you Texas F*ckwit Tourists and your constant snivelling. We will miss watching you eat shit on the sidewalk in your ill-considered footwear. Ha!") Jaime has taken on a new role with the Starbucks Corporation and they have yearned for her to advance in management. She really values her free time and has declined for now. We'll see what happens in the future (SNG: "no shit, really?"). Jaime is back into ski racing and is looking forward to challenging herself on the slopes. We have joined a Business League Team and are cherishing the time we can share together, zipping down the hill in our new speed suits. (SNG: "Oh, F*ing Puke). If it's anything like the time we spent together cycling it shall yet again reaffirm our love for each other, each and everyday day (SNG: "I warned you!")

Richard is more glorious than ever. He has joined Vitamin Cottage Cycling Team and awaits his debut in the new colors. His teammates are all extremely fantastic and the Summer of 2008 should be loads of fun for each and everyone (SNG: "Mother F*er!") He continues to run his business from home and just loves making those personal connections with clients!

The children, Rosebud and Audrey, have gotten perfect marks so far this year(SNG: "On the carpet"). We are awaiting final term report cards although I bet their awaiting Santa's Sleigh with even more anticipation ;) (SNG: "Nice Quip, F*ckwit").

We'll that's all from Frisco, CO. We cherish your friendship and especially the time you have taken out of your busy day to read how fantastic we are. We hope the New Year bring a blessing to you and yours, each and every day (SNG: "Arrrrrrrgh")

How many more days do I have to wear this?

Bring on the Fat Man, Rosebud wants her Stocking!

Festively Fattening

My ass is expanding! Bring on the January panic! That's when I realize that March (race season) is coming in two months and the Front Range guys are probably getting a lot of miles in.

Pre-congrats to Jared and Peggy who are off to the hospital to spew forth unto this world a Chick Wah.

1st Rule of the Festivus Pole

Tinsel is distracting; keep it bare and clean.

Fox and Friends

No not the "Fair and Balanced", fake-sneeze:bullshit, news show. Our fox friends are back to the den after a nice, dry fox-friendly Fall. The mouse/vole munching was probably stellar!

Not sure whether it's Mom and Dad or one of last year's babies. I'll post pictures throughout the Winter. In the mean time, Rosebud will be keeping a lookout.

My Super Hero Test

Your results:
You are Spider-Man

Spider-Man 80% The Flash 75% Iron Man 75% Superman 65% Robin 65% Supergirl 55% Hulk 55% Green Lantern 55% Wonder Woman 50% Batman 40% Catwoman 40%

You are intelligent, witty, a bit geeky and have great power and responsibility.

Click here to take the "Which Superhero are you?" quiz...

Redundancy

That's one happy pussy.

Mr. Blog

It has been brought to my attention that a good blogger will post at least every other day. I don't know; that might move in on my "me" time. That's a lot to ask of a slacker. My day is usually pretty busy with looking like I am working, walking the dog, telling the dog to go do something other than bugging me, walking the dog, riding my bike, skiing, coercing the dog to sleep, walking the dog and finally looking like I am working before I walk the dog again.

First Dumpage

So begins the long, long winter. Copper reports 14 inches for the last 2 days. Maybe I'll ski on Sunday after the Front Range people go home. They'll all be trying kill each other to get here tomorrow.

Hermannator still makes them cream themselves

Jaime and I went to the Beaver Creek World Cup GS yesterday. Hermann Maier was off the winning combined time by a little over a second but the crowd still had their usual collective spoodge over him. That dude is cool.





While we were watching racing, Rosebud was having an early Christmas. That's one guilty puppy.

Autopsy Turkey

Here it is: step by step photos. Use for preparing turkey or autopsies on your favorite corpse.

It was so young. Pity.

Standard "y" cut.

Mmmmm. Breasts.

Autopsy reveals that it died of head/ neck separation.

Looks like the end of "Braveheart".

We'll not be using rib separators but we will be separating the ribs from our friend.

Feeling hollow.

Rebuilt.

Mmmm. Bacon and butter.

Stitching him back. The family usually requests this for open casket purposes.

Ready for the casket.

I always have left over parts when I build stuff.

Death of the Forum

It looks like Teton has had enough. Just speculating here but with all the whiny, overly sensitive butt munches out there complaining about the content, I don't blame him for shutting it down. I have very little patience for the overly sensitive. Harden the fuck up!

This year has been weird when it comes to the Colorado cycling public. First the conspiracy theories regarding Beth which basically started and ended with the forum. Then the little whiny pussies turned on those who they deemed inappropriate posters and bitched nonstop to get the anonymous forum monitored. God forbid they would start their own. It's like someone pleading with the government to ban porn sites and then buying a Hustler at the gas station.

I have always been under the general impression that a lot of bike racers are whiners especially in the development categories. You win a 3s or 4s race and you better upgrade or you are a sandbagger. You sprint for a win and they blame you for sitting in and poaching the finish. It is kind of funny because every crit is basically a microcosm of a lifespan. There are those who get it and those who don't. There are winners and there is pack fill in every category. There are those who push themselves to move to the next level and those who stay in fear of having to change their training in order to compete at a new level.

So if you plan on winning a bike race, remember this: there at least 50 losers in any given crit. Don't let them convince you to join them. Keep every race in perspective no matter how you place. There is no coulda, woulda, shoulda and there are no good excuses.

Stretching Out The New GS Suit

It's a thing of beauty, eh? I need an assistant to get the thing off. Hoorah Canada.

Old New GS Skis

I bought a pair of 05/06 fischer RC4 GS skis at the Team Summit this year for $129, put an old pair of Marker bindings on them and today took them for a test run. Happy to report that my alcohol-enhanced mounting job held. These skis rock! 21 meter sidecut on a 178. Freakin rock!

We're supposed to get 3-5" on Sunday accoring to the only good source: SnowForecast.com. We definitely need snow. 9News', Kathy "the clueless" Sabine will more than likely hype the snow levels to 5-8".

Jaime and Richard's Bouldergasm 07

Our first Boulder ride together. Aaaaaahhhhh.

Oh So Mediocre

I have lived in Summit long enough to not expect much from the opening day of skiing at any of the resorts and this year Copper really rose to my expectations! One fantastic white strip of death polished to a crusty sheen by boarders (bless their little hearts) and the terminal intermediates. The Speed Douche Bags were out in force; this is probably the only day the entire season where they are useful. I need to go on record with opinion of the Speed Patrol (not sure of their actual title).

First of all they all ski like shit and should be spending time making turns instead of standing on the hill. The average level of competence in that group is terminal intermediate. This is where the basic problem lies. There is no basis of judgement whereby they can adequately determine who is and is not "in control". Speed is not necessarily an indicator of control and anyone on the hill can generally tell who has zero regard for the others and is skiing like a douche. Although these douches are rare, the resort thinks it needs a legion of incompetents pulling over anyone who they feel is skiing too fast. Again, I must stress that these are some of the shittiest skiers on the hill. Why would anyone want to take this rightfully unappreciated job? A free ski pass and the authority equivalent of a retail center rent-a-cop. This creates a deeper un-appreciation for the people themselves.

What kind of idiots would sell their ski seasons to be incompetent douche bags, blazoned in yellow and standing on the hill for a minimum of 15 days, and skiing like shit and not getting any better for a $350 season pass. The answer: the most insecure and lamest people on the planet. If you feel that you are lame and ski like shit, Copper's taking applications.

Winter Training

So basically, since we have passed mid-October in Summit County, it's winter until around the end of May. I found it completely necessary and justified to get the largest TV that would fit into my car. This should get us through to the end of winter with quality programming for the whole family. Let the fattening begin!

Jared's Stuff Moves To The NC

Holy crap can Jared collect sports equipment! Fantastic job my friend. All stuff is now headed east with Brad the truck guy. I kept asking if he was going to decorate his sleeper cab with Peggy's plants in order to up the Feng Shui level. I wasn't getting an Eastern Religion vibe from him.

Jared's Hog Running a blockade on Heather's Garage. Heather's kind of special. (That's code for the "C" word.) I think they'll miss her.

Goodbye plant, I hardly knew ye.

That Stupid HTFU band made me do it!

Today I road the cross bike up to Copper; I was guessing there was snow on parts of the path. It couldn't just end there. The stupid welled up in my soul and said, "Hey dumbass why don't see what it's like climbing Easy Road aka A Road in the summer. So, up I went. Had to shoulder the bike numerous times but pushed on to Solitude Station. The decent was creepy; these are not mountain bike brakes. :(

Test of the "smart phone" to blog system.

So sleepy. Probably hung over.

Holy Freaking Snowball

I think I might be on the trainer today. 4-5 inches over night and it continues to snow. Yesterday's adventure included testing out the new Cross bike (thanks Jared!) on the trail up and around Rainbow Lake. I came across two tourist-looking retirees. I can imagion their eyes rolling at the weirdo carrying a bike up a rocky, steep section on that trail in the middle of a snow storm. It's possible that the HTFU wrist band is going to get me into trouble. I seem to do weird crap like that when I wear it.

Snow Ride!

So, my good buddy Jared got out of town just in time to miss this year's first snow ride. Between now and May/June I expect many cold days on the lower blue route and doing hill repeats on snow encrusted roads. And ski season! Woo-hoo! Bring it! Copper opens in a little over 2 weeks.

Ride scenery for the day. Freakin' shiver.

Funny

Here is something for you.

HTFU

---

Landis

Keeping the dream alive and the cash flowing out of his account, Floyd is appealing. I have remained neutral on his guilt or innocence especially since I view the WADA/USADA as vultures who feed on "we told you so". It's hard to deny empirical evidence but on that note I have a family friend who is sitting in prison based on DNA evidence which according to the jury, was enough. The rest of the evidence may as well have been thrown out. All they heard was DNA. It's important to remember that a "jury or your peers" can be 12 idiots who just want to go home on a Friday.

We'll see what happens with Floyd. I am not expecting much or wasting too much hope on his appeal. Politics and righteousness are against him.

Maybe Lance will have the chance to get out some angry anti-Dick Pound (just saying his name will get you sent to the Principle) quotes and make it all worth while.

Last Dance

Today was the last lake-lap-nooner with Jared and a fantastical one it was. Tim Faia came along. We'll miss the J-Rod. It's been great having him in Summit County and on the Colorado bike scene.

Good luck Jared, Peggy, Laska, Bodie and Cletus! A fitting name for a fetus moving to North Carolina.

White Strip of Death

Congratulations to A-Basin for winning the "First To Open With The Shittiest Run In The Country" Award. Boarders rejoice.

Cross

Holy crap cross hurts. So now I see why this is good training. I was taunted into cross by Jared then taunted by my wife Jaime to "harden the fuck up" nearly every lap. With about 5 to go, two guys were following me and yapping like they were warming up. At least that's what I thought until one of them said, "hey you are making a pass" meaning me. Am I humble yet? Yup. Owie. And that wraps up my cross season for the year. Back to coffee shop rides with David Lee and the Wanker.

Bye Jared! I will miss our nooners. You were so gentle.